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Dreams kind of scared me at times. yesterday night when i went to sleep, I had the same dream twice in a night. I totally freaked me out twice because I woke up after each dream & i got so freaking confused when i woke up because i simply cannot believe that you can make the same dream twice in a night.

I am always very scared of my dream because sometimes my dreams do come true, sometimes it kind of predict part of my future, deja vu? Secondly, because I am always not truthful to myself(even) but my dreams never fail to bring out the scary truth/situation that I am trying to avoid. #harshreality

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Sometimes, i really wonder why am I doing such useless.meaningless.nonesense stuff.
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恋恋不忘
Sometimes you watch such a drama, you start questioning the practicability.
I know, I know, drama is meant to be drama.


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I can't imagine I dreamt of that.
I was telling myself wtf when i woke up just now.
& most pathetic thing is i rmb exactly wts i dreamt about.
totally wtf man.
well, i am scolding myself.

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私たちはいつも待ちます。何やっても、待つかも。
状況よってやる方なんがかわるべきだ。
私の一番短所のは待たないことができるたり、我慢できない。自分でわかってけと、自分の考え方を変わることには本当に難しいなー。頭が固くて、大変ことになりました。
落ちついで


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I just read  a story about how a glass of water. A psychologist asked her/his audience how heay the glass of water is. & in the end she said:
" The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you wil feel paralyzed- incapable of doing anything. Remember to put the glass down"
& somehow i am enlightened. at least abit. I know i still can't put the glass down completely.
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When I see him, it reminded me of myself.
Because he made me remembered what i did/how i feel, that's why I gonna treat him better, be more considerate. that's the very very very best I can do from my part for him.
because,
i been through, i feel that before
&
most importantly,
I got my karma.
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Today I went to take this Japanese proficiency level test & then the results made me happy because the results is good. But back in my heart, I really regret taking Japanese. Well, I love the Japanese Language, but i just can't find a position that I can use it.
I know some people think that it can be purely interest for taking Japanese. But for me, I started off with pure interest but now, I wanted to make use of my ability.
Because of this mentality, I got really fed up that i can't put my JLPT cert to good use.
Lost, what job should i really find? ironically, I am asking myself at this point.
pathetic
I find myself so pathetic when i walked home.
But at least I have a heart-to-heart talk with myself today after doing this supposingly Japanese language proficiency test.
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運だった

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Because " good luck will come."
Hahahha!
going to an interview that I felt like being conned made me so sian but it kind of strike me up with a concept of fate, goes with the flow, learn from the process of job hunting. never rush things that cannot be rush, i know but today, i understood.
a blessing in disguised i guess?!


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There is always more into their politeness & their laughter. I really doubt their sincerity at times because i can't read well their contradicting actions. I know i am kinda aggressive, but it's just so pretty indirect that i can't stand things hanging out of no where. I know somethings is better left to be unsaid.
I actually wanted to type : あなたご迷惑をおかけして申し訳ございません。 
But i thought it's useless to reply with this sentence and so i ended the conversation without me replying anything. 
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Sometimes dreams reflect your real fear, your real feelings.
&& that's the scary part. Because I am still not ready to face my fears and uncertainy.
I dreamt of my fear outcome yesterday and in my sub-conciousness, I was telling myself, 'ohshit'
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I can be successful in everything, but i don't want.
I just want o.n.e great success in o.n.e area.
this is the first time i woke up in the morning, feeling heart pain literally. I don't know how to describe the feeling, its numb, it's sad. i dont know.
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自分のために、勇気で進んたほがいいです。
嬉なくでも、毎日も元気で生ってね。そいうことです。


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If you are busy/ occupied by something, you won't think too much.
I don't allow myself to think too much.
As for now.
That's what I learnt today.
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Let it go.
everything in my life.
sometimes, if i'm not that stubborn, I will make my life easier.
please . dont. lose. myself. while trying hard to meet social expectation.