Happy teacher's Day! { even though it's tml! }

Thanks for everything, teachers! Mr Raymond Loh, Mr Chia , Miss Wong, Mdm Siti, Miss Joanna Chan, Miss Ek, Miss Chan &&& all the teachers that help me in one way to pass my O level! } Miss Caroline Heng, Miss Tiong Le Chin , Mr Sia , Miss Ong Hui Wen, mdm Goh.{ & not forgetting, those teachers that did help me one way & another}

nowadays, i kind of miss my secondary school class, cause some of the problem i faced now won't surfaced if i'm at that class. "back then, i was just someone sitting at the edge of the classroom & i really enjoy it though. "& pretty much, i missed Mr chia 's lesson, how he taught us maths. :)

well, it's been two weeks. i am pretty tired now. went home today & decided to rest. To sum up what's going on in my life : school, study, sleep exam. Like what lynette mentioned, everyday i just go to school, take exam, come home feel kind of screwed, sleep and the cycle went on & on & on again." my only entertainment everyday was to stared at the fluffy white clouds outside of the window, telling myself "everything's going to be alright, " but deep down. i noe everything isn't. last time people use to tell me u will have mental block { or whatso ever u wanted to be called}. now i truly understand what it meant. many mistake made in my test paper, careless , mental block, nervous, stress & everything. even though i didn't discuss much about the paper, sometimes when i went home, out of random, i will realise that i did this & that question wrongly. reason because i was too nervous & couldn't think properly. then i will start blaming myself & stuff. if i didn't noe how to do , & i get the question wrongly, i won't feel upset over it. but if it's because i'm nervous, then i will get very pissed off myself. it isn't like O level this time. i sweared, it's so much different. u will have papers & papers everyday, after papers, u will end up feeling tired., very tired. that's not the difficult part yet. the part when u feel kinda screwed & i still have to tell myself to move on & move on , trying not to think about how terrible i have done for my paper. you know, this kind of feeling is really awful. & clearly i have get myself back to study because at the back of my mind, i jolly well that i still have more "heavy" paper tml. there are times where i just stared at my notes blankly, and wasting my time away. u noe, i feel kind of angry over myself. i'm not like some of my friends who either have high concentration that can study non--stop nor do i have the energy to study till 3am in the morning & able to keep awake the next day. do u noe how irritated it is to feel tired at 10pm & wat's worse is that u haven't study finish & u have to go sleep? i envy my friends who won't get so nervous during exam hall. do u noe how stupid i feel for the pass two weeks? tell me { at least to me } , i dun even noe how to draw S02,S03 molecule, dunno how to calculate solubility product, dun noe how to integrate something properly, dunno how to press calculator properly, and i skipped questions for chemisty paper three. YAH! didn't i learn from my mistake during common test? WHY in the hell did i still skip questions? do u noe how i feel like so bad over it, upset, worned out. i still rmb how freaking sad i got on last friday. i was so, so so so so so so so so so so so so so so upset for my chemistry paper 3 that i tossed and turn on my bed and slept only like around 12am then. i was really really really very sad over myself for being so nervous & start panic for no-good-reason at the exam hall. well, i dun expect myself to noe every single thing in the paper, but at least at least, not so screwed up. u noe, really, how i envy some of my friends who won't fear or panic at the exam hall & stuffs. i'm not those intelligent people who can come school study in the morning and then only minus 1 mark for their paper. and how i really got soooooo upset over the silly mistakeS i made,i really feel soooo upset over myself last time , people used to tell me how different A levels are from Os , i didn't quite understand. but now i truly understood. Econs, biology, maths, chemistry, GP. i'm worried of every single subject. till now, i didn't really get over my chinese. was confident for my chinese since young, but then, end up how? screwed screwed screwed. i really screwed up my paper because of all my foolish m8istake i made, the nervous, the stress & everything. what if i cannot survive through? what if i cannot make it? what am i going to do? what should i do? how am i going to face it? how, how how? by going at this pace, how am i going to run the race, and finish it ? can i make it in the end? i couldn't see anything in front now. the route in front of me, the life in front of me. all i'm worried is how i am going walk down this path. the mistake i made this time are really... I won't ever forgive myself for making such stupid mistake. i feel like killing myself, really. i feel so awful and disturbed. i really envy those people. those people who can cope well. i dun understand how they can cope well. really, really, i hope i'm like them. i coldn't cope , i have lot of difficulty coping, i feel like drowning, and i couldn't stay afloat.

i really wondered this few days, did i overestimated myself last year, and put myself in this system. being such a dumb person like me, how am i going to pass through? it's so difficult. i couldn't survive. how?

now i truly understand the meaning of " Advanced Level"

"school, exams, feeling screwed, sleep.... " the cycle went on & on. AGAIN & AGAIN

NO COMMENTS ALLOW. just leave me alone & do some self - reflection.

hey !

i was really very very very very happy to recieve a handmade pouch

two baking recipe books in the morning

a hello kitty card { which i digged out last year's to compare like what i did everytime, }

&&& a delicious looking fruit cake in the morning!

Thanks alot alot alot alot alot, seriously.

{ at least i realise there's people who rmb my birthday! :) }

& i a nice nice treat on both sunday & saturday! :)

saw zhongsheng in Billy Bombers { i didn't noe if it's spelled like this } at jp there, he was working!

it's been long since i seen him! :D

well, cake this year is still Emicake Durian cake but i'm sure i won't order it again next year

cause the standard drop alot,

durian fillling is diluted/ the quanity of durian flesh given is not the same amount given last time

it's not worth the money though,

durian puff was not so delicious as last time though,

my family members were all complaining about how the cake had like " change" .

well, this week will be a pretty busy week in schools,
as usual lotsa stuff flooding in & it's difficult...
didn't go GP today because i relaly didn't want to go, so just went off
but felt kind of guilty. lol!


&&&& i was grumbling to Stella lala yesterday { u didn't see wrongly } about how irrated about somethings and well, i 'm going to really accept that fact
& after seeing that hello kitty letter which really.....
well, i am going to stop feeling pissed over those stuffs already,
class photo taking on wednesday! seemed like everyone's having the same slot, idk.
well, going to get through this week! :)

been eating alot of cake,seriously! cause when there's cake i will start having 2/3 servings instead of the usual 1. { morover it's fruit cake! }
but i seriously love eating cake okay! :)
i think cake looks delicious though! :)))) but u noe , whenever i see of cake, i think of kokkeong,
cause he dun eat cake, right? if i didn't rmb wrongly!
okay, htat' all for today! bye.

Happy birthday! :)